With a smile on her face
by xXSakura-Hime-SamaXx
Summary: Immortality is not all it's made out to be, it can drive a person to madness and back very easily.


**~With a smile on her face~**

**Immortality is not all it's made out to be, it can drive a person to madness and back very easily.**

**Bittersweet)**

She didn't know how it had happened, she didn't know when or why, but she wasn't aging.

At all.

She had thought, along with Tsunade and her teammates, that she was just a late bloomer, that she'd come into her own in a year or two.

But no, she was sixteen (possibly seventeen) physically, not a single thing had changed about her since the war had ended. Not the length of her hair, not her height, she didn't gain weight or loose it and her chest hadn't budged a millimetre.

She was Immortal by Tsunade's word, her dear sensei having run as many tests as she could over the years.

But they found no way to fix it, no way to let her live a normal life.

She was now twenty seven and stuck in the body of a teen.

**Immortality)**

The years had flown by in the blink of an eye, but no matter what she tried, Sakura just couldn't find a way to be mortal again, to age with her suddenly middle aged friends, to have a body that could bear children for someone she may have come to love.

It hit her then, as she smiled at the teenagers before her, that everything and everyone was growing and getting older, coming closer and closer to their deaths.

And she wouldn't be able to experience it with them.

She was being left behind again.

And it hurt so damn much.

**Smile)**

All she could do was sit there, watching everything seem to go by around her with the most sincere smile she could manage pasted to her face.

She was dying inside though, with every grey hair that appeared on Naruto's head, every wrinkle that made its way to Ino's once smooth face, a little piece of her fell away.

She could bare it though, she could do it for Naruto who made her swear to make the most of this.

Remembering his once vibrant and youthful voice brought tears to her eyes, but she quickly rubbed them away and looked back over to her friends and their children, the resemblance to each other clearly seen by her jade eyes.

**Funeral)**

Time had continued ticking forward, and now, all Sakura seemed to do was visit the cemetery, the names of her friends forever carved into stone.

She was losing herself piece by piece, her mind slipping away at the worst possible times. Sometimes she'd find herself speaking to Naruto and turn to her left with a grin, completely forgetting that Sai had passed on six years ago.

She'd find herself standing at the little red bridge, waiting for a training session that had ended thirty years previously, or for a Sensei that had died shortly after.

She knew what was happening, she just didn't want to worry Naruto any more than she had to, and his own mind seemed to be slipping from him these days.

He barely even seemed to believe she was there, thinking her a trick of his mind and that hurt her more than any jutsu or kunai ever could.

**Insanity)**

One by one her friends had fallen to battles, sickness and time, their own section in the cemetery filling faster than she'd ever imagined.

And then she lost it.

She fell apart and broke the remaining shards to dust.

She was done with life, done with death, done with gazing at Naruto's headstone, the polished rock covered with the orange flowers she's picked one at a time.

They were all gone now.

She was the last of rookie 9.

The last of her group.

She was alone.

She was… she was broken and didn't want to be whole again, she didn't was to remember this feeling, this utter loneliness and loss.

But she didn't want to forget the good times, she had a promise to keep after all.

**Greed)**

She didn't know how it started, maybe just a little things at first, things that made her remember the good times, when they were all young and cheerful, so full of life.

An orange and black jumper from Naruto and Hinata's old house, a flower basket from Ino's, Gaara's old gourd…Tsunade's last signed form.

She didn't know when it got out of control, it started so innocently that she didn't see it coming, her intensions just spiralled down with every item her dust filled house gained.

Sure, stealing Gaara's gourd from his children, or breaking into Hokage tower and the Uchiha district on a regular basis made her feel better, but was it worth it?

Was it worth throwing her reputation away and locking herself in her house, all for the sake of fond memories?

With a small smile on her face, Sakura shrugged on the faded orange and black jacket, the old red shirt underneath keeping the pastel haired girl warm in the fading light as her tattered and stained medic skirt and shorts no longer did the job.

It was worth it if she could keep her promise to Naruto.

If anyone so much as touched her precious keepsakes, they would be in for more pain than they had ever thought possible.

**Envy)**

She hated seeing life play out before her eyes like some mocking drama, intent on taunting her with things she could never have.

A family? She didn't want to outlive her own children, even if she found a way to bear them.

Friends? Same as above, it hurt too much to care about anyone anymore.

A chance to live her life? To help where she was trained to? No, she couldn't even do that anymore, the Hokage and council had her on lockdown, refusing to allow another village the chance to get to her.

She hated the Hokage, she hated the villagers, she hated the ninja, and she hated her friends children the most of all.

She didn't want to see constant reminders of her pain running around the place she once treasured, the place she once loved.

**Isolation)**

_No more._

_No more, please!_

_This is just too much to deal with!_

She hated them, she loathed their very existence, but that didn't mean she wanted to see them die!

Naruto's son looked more like him than she'd come to acknowledge, and seeing him there, greying, frail and _old_ was too much.

They were beginning to leave her, just like their parents had, just like their own children would!

With this in her mind, the orange wearing pinkette shut down, closing her front door in his pleading face, not caring the least for his 'nice' request to be his granddaughter's godmother.

Gathering her things and tuning out his retreating steps, she made a promise to herself.

She was never going to set foot on this land for as long as those bloodlines run through it.

She could still keep her promise, just somewhere else.

**Fantasy)**

It was nice being on her own, no background noise, no Hokage breathing down her neck, wanting to know her secrets.

Oh how she wished he knew what it used to be like to be in charge of a shinobi village. The most exciting thing to happen during his time had been a tiny skirmish with mist, and that had only lasted six months tops.

Being alone though, had taken a small toll on her perception of time.

It was just her, her precious keepsakes and the water slowly eating away at the land near her house. She must have been there for a while though, because it had grown from a small stream to a fair sized river.

But she was fine with the isolation, the silence, the lack of interaction and contact, because if she focused hard enough, she could hear their voices, see their faces as they mulled around her home.

_Their_ home.

Time didn't matter anymore, only they did.

**Want)**

Their home had been rebuilt, having become too close to the coursing river that always seemed to creep closer when she turned her back. But that was okay, she'd been able to build them rooms now.

No need to stay crowded in her small lounge when they each had their own space!

Their distant voices and shadowy figures just weren't enough anymore though.

She needed more.

She wanted more.

She wanted them.

By her side.

Just like old times, just like it should be.

Like it should have been.

Pictures weren't enough, for they seemed to be falling apart and crumbling with every breath she released.

Genjutsu didn't work, because no matter what how much she tried, she knew it was a lie.

A beautiful, beautiful lie.

She wanted, needed, to hear their voices again, she needed to show Naruto that she was keeping her promise.

**Evil)**

She needed them.

Their laughs, their smiles, their familiar presence.

She needed them in her never ending life.

Nothing else seemed to make due, even their belongings were falling to time, the only thing keeping them from falling to dust was a well-placed jutsu she had picked up a lifetime and a half ago.

Maybe three.

She didn't know nor care.

She had literally tried everything to get them back, from rumoured objects that could let the bearer see spirits, to darker, much much darker methods.

Her fall from grace.

Her need to see them had created a monstrosity that she'd had to deal with on her own, the memory of its twisted red eyes and stringy blond, gravity defying hair always made her smile grow.

She was close, so very very close. If only she could find a way to keep the insides _in_…maybe find it some skin?

Maybe using that villager for the justu instead of a shinobi was why it had failed?

She'd have to test this theory soon, before they became even harder to track down.

**Need)**

It had failed, it always failed.

No matter what she did or how similar she made them look, they just weren't her friends.

She couldn't replace them she had realized after her latest failure. They were a one off occurrence, and she wouldn't be able to bring them back like this, what would Naruto think if he could see her now?

Packing her things once more and laying waste to their home and all its monstrosities, Sakura closed her eyes and breathed out a sigh, letting her feet take her where ever they may.

She needed familiar, she needed somewhere she knew.

But try as she might, she just couldn't find peace.

She couldn't find familiar.

She couldn't find _home._

Suna- gone, most likely swallowed by the sand it had once been at peace with, nothing but desert where the proud village had once stood.

Iwa- Crumbled to dust, only a few random walls and old objects hinting that something had once stood in this unforgiving land.

Mist- nothing but rust remained, littering the ground as moss covered everything that might have been left.

Ame- most likely washed away by the rain, or swallowed by the river, just like her old home.

And Konoha, oh Konoha.

It was taken back by the forest, nothing but ruins, barely standing walls, remained.

Everything she had known was gone, destroyed, and eaten by time.

She needed familiar.

But it was nowhere to be found.

**Scars)**

Her scars were her story, her own tale, told on her flesh for only those brave enough to read it.

And none were brave anymore, none ventured far enough into the forest she now called home.

The villages rose and fell, moved closer then further away, leaver her to wallow in her misery, in the fact that she was alone, not even her friends talked to her anymore, their shadowy figures blurring little by little.

But she wouldn't let go.

She wouldn't let them leave her behind again.

Not this time.

Her left eyebrow- Naruto's stray kunai.

Her right shoulder- third battle against Sasuke.

Both her legs- the one time she took a mission alone before her teammates deemed it mandatory to accompany her.

And she didn't let them forget it, she sat there, all day every day, gazing at their shadowy figures and telling them the tales over and over, using Sai's old brush to absentmindedly try to copy the photos that had long ago faded to blank.

**Time)**

Even jutsu's can fall to time apparently, her keepsakes were now nothing more than a bag full of broken, fragile, objects and sand.

It was okay though, she could still picture them as clear as day.

She didn't need the objects to keep the memories.

And she didn't want to forget, so she sat there as the walls of her building fell, as the grass swallowed her up.

Just remembering the good times, her friends, her family and everything she'd been through.

She would keep her promise to Naruto, it was the promise of her immortal life after all.

One she would never break.

**Heaven)**

She often felt phantom aches and pains in her joints, her body just sometimes waking up exhausted for no reason.

Could she too turn to dust like so many of the things she'd seen before, would her body one day fail her and die, giving her the chance to truly be with her friends again, not just mere shadows of her memories, conjured by her broken mind?

It didn't happen though, she just kept sitting in her clearing, gazing upwards, wondering just how disgusted they would be with her past actions.

How had she let herself fall so far?

To do that to innocent people, all for the sake of her own happiness?

What would Naruto think?

She found that she didn't want to know.

The look in his eyes would break her again, and she was only just starting to find the pieces.

**Sky)**

She was wandering again, visiting once familiar sights to try to ease her mind.

It didn't work.

Because try as she might, the shadows of her friends were only just there, and she hadn't heard their voices for the longest time.

She'd pass the time by looking to the sky, no matter what the weather, in hopes of seeing them smiling down at her.

On a bright sunny day, she'd think of Naruto.

During a storm, her mind would wander to Sasuke.

At sunset it would be Sai, and when the weather just couldn't make up its mind, Kakashi.

She didn't know if they'd let him have his precious book up there, but she was sure he'd found a way to get it in anyway.

**Fading)**

They were gone.

The shadows.

She didn't realize when it had happened, but they just weren't there anymore.

She could think clearly, she could remember _Every. Single. Thing_ that she'd done.

And she found that she couldn't keep her promise to Naruto for a while after that, she failed him for however long it took for her mind to glue itself back together, realizing that she needed to sort things out.

She had been insane, she had killed innocents, stolen and lied, abandoned his bloodline and left them to die in whatever event had wiped out the shinobi nations.

She had failed him, failed everyone.

And that brought her to tears for the first time since she lay those tiny orange flowers on his headstone.

**Imaginary)**

She wished she could have stayed ignorant to her ill state of mind, to the fact that her 'friends' were just figments of her imagination.

She missed her friends, missed her life.

Nothing was familiar.

Nothing brought her peace.

She was stuck in limbo, her teammate's voices running through her head, their favourite conversations repeating over and over again. Voices she longed to hear and familiar sounds she missed gifted her with a chance to be with them once more.

It hurt so much.

Because it was a lie.

And no matter how much she wished it wasn't, it would forever be a beautiful delusion.

And the fact that she could still acknowledge such brought a small pained smile to her face.

**Suicide)**

She had tried it, had honestly thrown everything out the window and driven a sharp branch through her heart.

She had awoken to pain and nothing else, her blood staining the object protruding from her, but her heart continued to beat around it.

She lived with the self-inflicted pain until she became numb to it, finally healing the wound and cleaning herself up.

She had failed Naruto again.

She deserved it for trying to break her promise.

**Best friends)**

Her best friends, her teammates.

They were always on her mind.

Their voices, their images, actions, words, habits and any other little thing she could remember.

Except their ends.

It was a timeless loop that played through her head.

From the beginning where they all met, to the place just before the dark times began.

For her at least.

She wouldn't mind chasing down Sasuke again, finding out Sai was a spy, or having Naruto and Kakashi leave.

As long as she could see them again, their smiling, young, life filled faces gazing back at her.

Anything to push the old, frail figures from her mind.

And once more, she was lost in her mind.

**Trapped)**

She couldn't take it, it was suffocating.

No matter what she tried or where she wandered, nothing helped.

She was trapped in a world she didn't know anymore, lost in a place so familiar yet foreign it put her mind in a daze.

She was alone, would always be alone, with no way to move on, to see those she longed to lay eyes on.

Even for a moment.

She was trapped here, in her own purgatory, always to be alone.

She had nothing now but her fond memories, so she drowned in them as often as she could.

She was nothing but a legend, myth to the villages she passed, and even those faded with time.

It was only right that she disappeared with everything she once held dear.

**Heart break)**

Her heart was breaking again, the withered and blackened object falling apart with every step she took back towards Konoha.

So many memories, good and bad.

So much pain, Bitter or sweet.

It was only right.

The deeds she'd committed, the sweet words she had whispered to get her way, everything she'd done…

She was a monster of the worst kind.

Kabuto's actions paled in comparison to some of the things she'd orchestrated to keep her 'friends' around and her keepsakes safe.

All for the sake of not being alone, for the sake of not being left behind.

It was ironic really that she was left behind again, to watch her teammates backs as they went on their next great adventure without her.

Sasuke was most likely scowling down at her right about now, sickened by the turn her life had taken.

So she cried, she cried for her actions, for the lives she'd taken, the deeds she'd committed, and the people she'd lost.

She cried, and she didn't stop, even when she lay puffy eyes on the forest again.

She'd well and truly failed Naruto now, so why even try?

**River)**

The place where it all started, where one fight began their downfall.

Her downfall really, they lived their lives to the fullest and came out kings once everything was said and done.

The valley of the end.

Not so much a valley now, more of a giant lake, ruins of the expanded Konoha littering its edges and the forest around.

Here…here was where she belonged, the one place she avoided more than anything.

The large statues of Naruto and Sasuke preparing for battle on either side being the reason.

But now…now she was…happy.

She could see them again.

Their voices filled her mind softly, lulling her into a peaceful state.

She was at peace.

Here was where she belonged, the feeling filling her to the brim and brining the first true smile in years to her face as she strode out onto the water to stand in the centre between them.

Just like old times.

With a content sigh she let go and dropped, her bare form obscured as she sank beneath the slight waves, her mind silencing everything but the happy chatter of her team.

She belonged here, with her teammates.

Back where the end began.

She was…

Something.

Something she couldn't name.

She didn't want to think anymore though, just sleep and be with them, even for a short time.

**Forever)**

And she stayed there as the world grew around her, content and haunted by the faces and voices floating through her head, young and smiling, full of life and hope, just like she wished they were once more.

She'd be their memorial, a living memorial to their memory, the only one that would never disappear with time.

The only one to never forget.

Because no matter what the state of her mind, no matter what her actions may be- she loved them, she loved them all and would do it all again if it meant seeing them even for a second.

She stayed there, at the bottom of the lake with a smile on her face, the shadows of the statues the only thing keeping her even slightly sane for the time being.

She would try her best to keep her promise to Naruto, even slightly.

* * *

"Children, please! Don't touch that Naruto, its fragile!" the white haired man exclaimed, rubbing his masked cheek as the blond was pulled away from one of the statues.

"It's not my fault sensei! It was the bastard, he pushed me!"

"Hn, idiot." And with that, the blond hit the water, sputtering as he waded through the weeds, his feet tangling and dragging him under briefly.

Dead jade eyes gazed upwards unseeingly, her form shifting with every movement the water made.

Her body had finally failed her like she so wished, letting her tortured soul go free from her form, just when a speck of hope was due to appear on the horizon.

She'd never know it though.

Her body was dead, her mind broken and lonely, and her actions condemned her to a place where she'll never see the light of day or gaze at the faces of the ones she loved so dearly again.

"OH MY GOD, SENSEI! THERE'S A BODY IN THE LAKE!" the blond screamed as he resurfaced, struggling away from the pink haired woman's limp form in horror.

And she still had a smile on her face, because she always kept her promises.

* * *

"_Promise me you'll make the most of this gift Sakura-chan, that you'll be happy and smiling when we meet again?"_

"…_I promise, Naruto."_

* * *

** END**

Just a little something I've been messing around with after the idea hit me...are you catching the drift of how most of my fics go yet? Anyway, please let me know what you think~ did it make you sad? Am I achieving my goal of traumatizing you yet? :)


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